My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So much rum. So many feels.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
