I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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