I can feel you judging me through the phone.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
