So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
