We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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