Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
