dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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