I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
