Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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