my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
