So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
