Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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