Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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