fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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