Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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