Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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