I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
