Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
