He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
