when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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