I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
