She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
