a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
