he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I enjoy the company of your penis
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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