Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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