Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
