So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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