I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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