Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
