Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
