Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
