So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
