i just wanna soil my oats bro
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize