Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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