I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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