I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
