You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
