Where did you get a picture of my penis
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
