Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
