Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
