just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
