We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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