My hand turned me down
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
