The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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