If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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