did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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