A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize