god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
