I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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