We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
