You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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