i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
