Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize