They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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