I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
