im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
