RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
