ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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