where am i from again
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize
