I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize