I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Who died my cat blue again?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
