Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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