Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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