We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
