it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
