You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
