I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
