She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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