for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
