We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
