i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize