mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
