is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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